Received a call once again as she was feeling guilty of her infidelity to me. As a matter of social prestige or rather to boost her social superiority and to show her busy for nothing attitude, she has even started a social therapy session where one just confesses all atrocity in front of a group of similar headless creatures and thinks that they are innocent now.
With no ignominy and my always innate approach, I listened on to whatever she wanted to burst, to blunt her guilt and then replied although I am not sure if that would have any impact on her grey matter-less thought.
It is good that you tried to get rid of your guilt feelings and I still feel astonished that you have been thinking so. I thought to discuss this face to face but then I feel that it is better to avoid such things and rather tell you straight way than prolonging.
Frankly speaking, I have always thought you to be very sincere and sweet however I have received several jolts to my thoughts always. I still remember your last very stern message to me way back which haunts me always and will do always till I live, “I warn you. Don’t ever try to message me. Otherwise I will take action against you. I know a police inspector who is very good friend of mine.” I have never been able to forget that moment as I never ever called/messaged you when you told me not to do that. It was very surprising that you have been thinking so. I always live by my ethics and intuition. You or rather anyone in and around me can never ever point out a finger to me saying that I have brought any harm of any sort to anyone ever. I always respect people around me from the bottom of my heart. Even you are witness to this. My only problem is that I never boost anything, which weakens me always, before the blind eyes. I am always soaked in the feeling of the heat of coolness, the silence of rush and the luxury of emptiness.
There are a few things that surprised me like everything has been my fault. Perhaps yes, as I believed and moved forward with someone who was very superficial and I could not understand the mirage. I think you will not believe me but I have loved only one person in my life and there have been days when I used to see only one face in everyone around me. I always looked at my cell for any message/call for all day but nothing came to my way. Perhaps the intense feeling is something that everyone cannot even imagine forget about witnessing. It can only be felt when we confront such situations. Anyway forget that as it has nothing to do with you as you believe. It is more surprising that I have been at fault always. Yes, perhaps very true. I should have understood the reality rather than accepting the situations as I came across. I still remember the evening when someone rang me while walking to home after getting down from the company bus and said “I love you”. I could not believe my ears and exclaimed “what” and heard the same again. That changed everything and I just accepted everything that came to my kitty since. Perhaps people in front of me did not share same passion and intensity and hence always shied away from introducing me and facing the world with me and hence always avoided meeting me in public. Even then I only wished for a glance and many times I even went to the new office to meet but couldn’t. There was a sudden zero communication which shook my faith and belief in me. I could not reflect on the things for years, lest when the unfortunate moments stuck me, and I got plenty of time to ponder over and then I realized the mirage that I have been hoping for always. Anyway, I always know that people will not or will never ever understand me as I am too good for this world although it hardly matters. Only things that matter is what people perceive you and think of you. People might have forgot and moved on but everything is still as fresh in my mind as anything. I cannot just forget and move on like other people as I have witnessed as whenever I be with anyone/anything I give my full passion, dedication, sincerity and respect and when I detach I never create any situation where anyone can even point a finger to me and still I live as per my ethics. I know I have been destined for all the pains and suffering and I am already confronting them with my head held high as I know I have always been very sincere and dedicated to the best of my understanding. If people think something different then definitely that is something where I have no control and I can do nothing. I have always regretted for being too soft and polite but I respect and love my upbringing.
I would suggest you to get rid of such therapy as it is for those with weak heart and determination. It always suggests unidirectional approach where you can vent your feelings and feel that you have recuperated everything but in reality it never works that way. People never take things into account from another direction. I never give a damn to such therapy. I have grown stronger with every turmoil in my life and now I feel that let all adversities come to me, I will see who is stronger the situation or me. Rest is your call and your way of looking at the things.
This is never intended to disturb you in any way as you are already leading a very satisfactory life. This is just to give you the other side of the impression that you are leaving with. I have already said much of my side of the story to you, if you remember or if you can go through achieves. If you could understand what I am trying to convey then it is worth else please ignore as you have always been doing. People are coward who do not fall in love. It needs a great bravery to obliterate oneself. We often hear that if we wish something from the bottom of heart and strive for it with full dedication; we are bound to reach the summit. I do have a different perception and that all these verses are just a fairy tale which has nothing to do with reality.
Anyway, forget everything and all the best.